Saturday, December 19, 2015

Lean on Him & carry on, Warrior.

It’s just so much to carry all the time.  I try and be brave.  I try and have courage.  I try and stay positive.  I try and see The Good.  I try and make good choices.  I try and do the things I have to do to stay sober and be the best mama, daughter, sister, wife, auntie, friend I can be.  But.  I’m.  Tired.  It’s a lot to bear and to bear all the time.  I wish I could get out from under The Weight for just a little while.  The Pain is real.  My little heart is tired.  Heartache is physically exhausting and actually hurts.  I give it to God.  I pray and I lean on Him, but The Pain is still there.  I can’t help but ask God why?  I know that He is a good God and does not test us, then what?  What is it you want from me, God?  Why do you think I am able or strong enough?  What is The Good I can do with This Pain?  Please light The Way so that I can go do It.  I don’t question out of disrespect.  I question because of My Faith.  I believe.  Help me use this pain for The Good.  I am ready.