Saturday, February 28, 2015

#18-The Mascara Project

If Patience is a virtue, then you people are super-virtuous, and I really appreciate it! Of course, as Hilary (long-time friend in FL) put it, “I’ve waited 37 years to find the best mascara, so no rush”. Thank you and done.
So, this fancee (fancy spelling) mascara case felt a little like a blonde joke waiting to happen. I knew it wasn’t, however, because I have literally heard them ALL. Thank you, nephew!
Oh, snap! Couldn’t resist. And one more for good measure, EVEN THOUGH IT IS NOT TRUE FOR ME! I’m sure y’all had your doubts.
Now, back to the mascara contraption. Once I talked to the tube-thing for a minute, got that damn sticker with directions out of the way, and shook it a couple of times, I figured it out. Y’all, James Bond would be envious cuz this little gadget is super-high-tech! The secret door sprung open to reveal not one, but two, mirrors! Now we’re cookin’ with gas!
But, wait.  Holy gloopy black tar.  Uh, I guess got a little carried away with shaking this thing. Shoot!
Tried to “ungloop” (Check Wikipedia. I double-dog-dare-ya!), but did not have great luck on the bottom lashes.
Did a little better on the top; my right is “mascaraed”.  (Don’t check Wikipedia for that one cuz I already did and it’s not in there.)
Note to self: start glossary of terms to send Mr. Webster’s publishing house to be added to the next edition of the American Dictionary. Put said words in bold font for quick reference so you can see them in context.
Probably overdid the liner today, but Sugar-britches has a big game and I needed my war paint!
I give this mascara a Commander in Chic rating of 9 outta 10. Y’all know I like my lashes a little on the trashy side, but this stuff is almost “tarantulaish”.
Dear Noah Webster, please brace yourself for tons of fabulous new words to add to that American Dictionary of yours! You are welcome.
I might have scored this one an 8 outta 10 since it’s pretty “gloopy”, but the little mirror-thingy made up for it!  Mwah!  Happy Saturday. Y’all rest up for the week ahead so we can be magical!

Thursday, February 26, 2015

DISNEY; It’s a REAL world after all… PART 2

I read and understood the Bibbidi Bobbidi Boutique reservation policy, and it’s a darn good thing.
Makeovers at Bibbidi Bobbidi Boutique are very popular. Reservations can be made up to 180 days in advance and are highly recommended. To book your appointment with a Fairy Godmother-in-training, please call…
Because I got so excited, I didn’t read the age limitations.
To participate, Guests must be between 3 and 12 years of age and be accompanied by an adult (18 years of age or older).
For 179 days of our 180-day-long-wait, I pretended our reservation was for two princesses. On day 180, I mustered up the courage to accept the fact that THIS princess was going to have to wait until Disney changes their age restriction. Surely, there is something in the works at the state and national levels to overthrow this ludicrous policy. Thank you, elected government officials and lobbyist everywhere! I will stay out of your way. Keep up the Good Work.
You know how Walmart puts the milk in the very back of the store so consumers have to walk by 14 million things they might accidentally pick-up on their way to and from the dairy cooler? Well, the Bibbidi Bobbidi Boutique is “next to the milk” in the the ginormous World of Disney store.
There a few subtle differences in the interior aesthetics of the World of Disney store and Wal-mart, however.  Like a hot air balloon landing at the checkout counter,
or an illuminated Cinderella glistening from the belly of a small-scale castle near the drinking fountains.
But, the marketing concept is the same.
Good thing Ava Jane and I had lots of time to make our way to the back of the store, because we were both a little paralyzed by the splendor. I mean, how is a princess supposed to make up her mind?!?
TIP #ONE: Place both hands on hips. This is a “power position” and it is essential to start strong and show this merchandise that you are the boss and are in control. You may recognize this posture from our Wonderoo days, or from the training handbook at your first job.
Ava Jane clearly does not need a handbook. She is a natural!
TIP #TWO: If you feel like you are losing your edge, you may need to implement The Finger Shake technique, which is most effective if paired with The Foot Twist.
Do not hesitate to talk out loud to the merchandise OR to no one. It throws the product off, and BOOM, you are right back in the driver’s seat.
TIP #THREE: Remember why you started and stay focused on your goal.  FINALLY!  Whew.  We have ARRIVED!

Wednesday, February 25, 2015

Hold, please…

Y’all forgive me for the sound of silence this week. I cross-my-heart I am blogging in my head to each of YOU all of the time! Also, I miss you!  But, I have had some really, really, really amazing things happen since the post on my sobriety. Thank you to all of you who have given me a chance to help you or your loved ones. Thank you for sharing your stories, too. I have worn mascara every single day, but cried it off by noon.  Tears of Joy have trumped The Mascara Project this week. Thanks for sticking with me. Patience is truly a virtue. 

Prince Charming has grown very patient in our marriage, as you can see. I know this picture is not all that believable, cuz there are no child or dog skeletons. You’ll have to use your imaginations. Love y’all and can’t wait to catch-up on our lashes.

P.S. Kinda ended up with this nail color by accident but am beyond tickled. It is so cute I have to keep doing a double-take when I look down at my hands. How in the heck am I ever gonna get any work done?!?

P.P.S. I cannot bring myself to move Scarlett O’Hara, so I might have to sleep parallel to the pillows. Also, she’s snoring, so I might not sleep at all…